Cartoons and Jokes
A Christian Barber
There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he
had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out
of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."
Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said,
"Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and
prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to
witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."
Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other
while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop,
the Wall of Fear - everything there was! Wow!
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra
fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars
epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and MandMs. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened, the wife said, "I meant my dress size!"
Creation of Man
One day, Eve was walking in the garden with the Lord. She said, "Lord, the garden is wonderful,
and the animals and birds provide such joy, but I am still lonely sometimes."
"No problem!" the Lord replied. "I will make you a man for a companion. He will desire to
please you and to be with you. But I have to warn you, he won't be perfect. He'll have a
difficult time understanding your feelings, will tend to think only of himself,
and will stay out late with his bowling buddies."
"What's bowling?" Eve asked.
"Oh... never mind. I was just getting ahead of myself, sorry."
"That's OK. I think I can handle this 'man'," Eve replied.
"Great, I'll get right to it!" God said, and started grabbing some mud and shaping it.
Suddenly, the Lord stopped and said to Eve,
"Oh, there's one other thing about this man I'm making for you."
"What's that?" asked Eve.
"You'll have to tell him he was here first."
Dead Church
The following Sunday the church was all but empty. Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.
Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closedcoffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin andinvited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the peopleeagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.
In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.
Faith
A nun who works for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out
of gas. As luck would have it there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station
to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.
The attendant regretfully told her that the only can he owned had just been loaned out,
but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.
After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a
bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station,
filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men walked by.
One of them turned to the other and said: "Now that is what I call faith!"
Give it to God
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:
I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
God's Family
A young woman passing by saw the little boy and could read the longing in his pale blue eyes.She took the child by the hand and led him into the store. There she boughthim new shoes and a complete suit of warm clothing.
They came back outside into the street and the woman said to the child, "Now you can go home and have a very happy holiday."
The little boy looked up at her and asked, "Are you God, Ma'am?" She smiled down at him and replied, "No son, I'm just one of His children."
The little boy then said, "I knew you had to be some relation."
Oldest Profession
A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest
profession in the world. The doctor remarked, 'Well, in the Bible it says that God created
Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery, so I can rightly claim
that mine is the oldest profession in the world.'
The civil engineer interrupted and said, 'But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that
God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first
and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor,
you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world.'
The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled and said confidently,
'Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?'
The Fence
There was a large group of people. On one side of the group stood a man, Jesus. On the other side
of the group stood Satan. Separating them, running through the group, was a fence.
The scene set, both Jesus and Satan began calling to the people in the group and, one by one -
each having made up his or her own mind - each went to either Jesus or Satan.
This kept going. Soon enough, Jesus had gathered around him a group of people from the larger
crowd, as did Satan. But one man joined neither group. He climbed the fence that was there
and sat on it. Then Jesus and his people left and disappeared. So too did Satan
and his people. And the man on the fence sat alone.
As this man sat, Satan came back, looking for something which he appeared to have lost.
The man said, "Have you lost something?" Satan looked straight at him and replied,
"No, there you are. Come with me."
"But", said the man, "I sat on the fence. I chose neither you nor him."
"That's okay," said Satan. "I own the fence."
The Proposal
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.
The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was
put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend,
"Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a
fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"
Three Hymns
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placeda $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregationand said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
And all the way in the back a sweet young woman shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to cometo the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"
Time
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying
shapes when he decided to talk to God. "God", he said, "how long is a million years?"
God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God answered, "To Me, it's a penny."
The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "In a minute."
Twins
A very bright 5 year old boy, told his daddy he'd like to have a baby brother and, along with his request,
offered to do whatever he could to help. His dad, a very bright 35 year old, paused for a moment and
then replied, " I'll tell you what, son, if you pray every day for two months
for a baby brother, I guarantee that God will give you one!"
The boy responded eagerly to his dad's challenge and went to his bedroom
early that night to start praying for a baby brother.
He prayed every night for a whole month, but after that time, he began to get skeptical. He checked around the neighborhood and found out that what he thought was going to happen, had never occurred in the history of the neighborhood. You just don't pray for two months and then, whammo - a new baby brother. So, the boy quit praying. After another month, the child's mother went to the hospital. When she came back home, the boy's parents called him into the bedroom. He cautiously walked into the room, not expecting to find anything,
and there was a little bundle lying right next to his mother. His dad pulled back the blanket and
there was not one baby brother, but two! His mother had twins!
The father looked down at his smiling son and said, "Now aren't you glad you prayed?"
The boy hesitated a little and then looked up at his dad and said,
"Yes, but aren't you glad I quit when I did?"
Quiet Church
Early one Sunday in the quiet church, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little one up and walked sternly up the aisle.
On his way out, just before reaching the safety of the foyer,
the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
Unfair Discrimination
An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "You Christians have your special holidays, such as Christmas
and Easter. Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur.
But we atheists have no recognized national holidays. It's unfair discrimination."
His friend replied, "Why don't you celebrate April first?"
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